Why You Should Keep Dating Your Spouse

When we first fall in love, everything feels effortless. Date nights are electric, conversations glide easily, and we naturally show up as the best versions of ourselves. But somewhere after the wedding — between joint bank accounts, work deadlines, and mounting laundry piles — romance quietly drifts onto the back burner. The passion that once felt automatic now requires something many of us would rather avoid: effort.

And yet, what if that effort isn’t a sign that something’s wrong, but rather the very thing that makes love last? What if leaning into it is the key not just to enduring love, but to building a deeper, more resilient connection?

The Truth: Dating Doesn’t End at “I Do”

It’s tempting to think that once you’ve found your person, the mission is complete. You’ve landed the partner, planned the wedding, and settled into life together — job done. But as psychologist Jordan Peterson wisely puts it, “Don’t stop dating. Not other people — your spouse.”

In those early days, we naturally bring our best selves to the table. We’re attentive, thoughtful, curious. We plan surprises, ask good questions, and look for reasons to be together. Over time, routine creeps in. Jobs, kids, house projects, and obligations jostle for space, and romance can slip down to number eleven on a list of ten priorities. The quiet fallout? A sense of disconnection, buried frustrations, and emotional distance.

And while no one enters a marriage intending to neglect it, the realities of life make it all too easy.

Weekly Rituals: A Practical Path Back to Connection

So what’s the antidote? Peterson suggests a simple but powerful practice: 90 minutes of logistical conversation and 90 minutes of romance every week.

The first 90 minutes might sound about as exciting as a dentist appointment — and in many ways, it is. It’s the time to tackle what often gets dodged: finances, chores, schedules, who’s picking up the kids, and when the furnace filter needs replacing. Not sexy, but necessary.

The second 90 minutes is where the magic happens. A non-negotiable date night, treated with the same importance as paying rent or showing up for a job interview. It’s not a reward for when everything else is handled — it’s a standing commitment to emotional closeness, to remembering what made you fall for each other in the first place.

Why both? Because if you skip the logistics, date night risks turning into a debate about whose turn it is to book the vet appointment. Clearing that mental clutter makes room for actual connection.

Rediscovering Each Other

Romance isn’t reserved for candlelit dinners and anniversary getaways. It’s about seeing your partner with fresh eyes — the way you did in the early days when you noticed the way they laughed at your bad jokes or how they tilted their head when deep in thought.

That romantic vision doesn’t just fade because time passes; it fades because we stop looking for it.

The good news? It can be revived. Romance becomes a discipline, a conscious decision to notice the small, beautiful, human things about your person. As Peterson puts it, “Don’t lose that romantic vision. It takes work, but it’s worth it.”

The Role of Tools in Romantic Resilience

Here’s the truth: between juggling life’s chaos and clinging to sticky notes for reminders, it’s easy to drop the romance ball. That’s where relationship tools like Merge come in — not as a substitute for connection, but as a quiet backstage hand keeping life organized so love can stay center stage.

Merge isn’t just a shared calendar app. It helps couples lock in those crucial date nights, track expenses without awkward money talks, plan meals together, and set shared goals. It reduces the logistical friction that so often robs couples of quality time.

Because romance isn’t about having more time; it’s about making room for it.

Love Is Built in the Details

Great relationships aren’t built solely on epic vacations or grand gestures. They’re forged in the small, consistent choices: to communicate, to prioritize each other, to show up — even when you’re exhausted. Especially when you’re exhausted.

And while no tool or app can make romance automatic, the right ones can make it possible, even when life feels overwhelming.

Keep Courting, Always

If there’s one enduring truth from both modern relationship science and timeless wisdom, it’s this: Keep dating your spouse. Make it a ritual, not a rarity. Learn to navigate the grit before you chase the glow. And when needed, lean on the tools and habits that help you stay organized, stay close, and stay connected.

Because love isn’t something you find once. It’s something you build — together, deliberately, over and over again.